Tiger Teachers: The New Stage Moms Aren't the Moms (from Huffington Post Culture)

This originally appeared in The Huffington Post's Culture Section. Write a bad mommy confessional and be rewarded with multiple weeks on bestseller lists, riches, and fame/infamy. (See: Chua, Amy [Tiger Mom]; Druckerman, Pamela [American mom, French parenting]; Weiss, Dara-Lynn [Diet Devil in Vogue]).

And then there are the television shows. In the grand tradition of stage mothers we have the women of Toddlers & Tiaras, along with Dance Moms and Dance Moms: Miami. Is it any surprise that Skating Moms is in the works? And that the mothers on these shows are getting wackier and wackier to secure appearances on TMZ and Anderson Cooper in order to claim their 15 minutes of fame? Or, better yet, the holy grail -- their own television shows (like two Toddlers & Tiaras break-out stars: Eden Wood with her Logo network show Eden's World and Alana Thompson, aka "Honey Boo Boo Child," who has just inked a deal for a family reality show on TLC)!

Despite their extreme antics at this point it's a total cliché to criticize these moms. The people who really should make us scratch our heads are the other adults involved: the teachers and coaches.

Now, Abby Lee Miller, the larger-than-life teacher of Dance Moms, helps give female coaches a bad name. While she has surely amplified some of her behavior for the cameras you still can't help but wince as she verbally berates young girls, puts them in completely age-inappropriate attire, and shows them how to "paint on" a six-pack so they look more slender on stage.

Miller's actions have impacted other teachers and coaches. Prominent, successful, competitive dance teachers are appalled by her behavior. In addition to being embarrassed by a member of their own profession, they have seen changes in their enrollments and in their students' behavior, along with that of the children's moms. Let's just say that drama and raised voices seem to be becoming normalized.

While Abby Lee Miller isn't the first teacher or coach to over-invest in her students (watch the US gymnastics championships this weekend to catch a glimpse of coaching legends like the Károlyis -- and then read Dominique Moceanu's new memoir, out next week, to discover what a negative impact coaches like that can have on a child's life), Miller certainly is popularizing the role. In many ways she's the new version of a "stage mom."

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The most recent episode of Dance Moms, "The Battle Begins," has Abby shouting multiple times that her students need to do well because they are associated with her and "her name." With kids' afterschool activities becoming increasingly professionalized, more and more people (both good and bad) can make a living off of children's performances. This means they can easily become too invested both financially and emotionally.

So in many cases teachers and coaches are the new "stage moms," using kids who aren't their own to secure their own fame and fortune. Forget the Tiger Mom, now we have Tiger Teachers eager to catch the glare of the spotlight. Too bad we can't all get a Coach Taylor for ourselves and for our kids. In the meantime, beware of Tiger Teachers seeking high fees and reality television shows.

Toddlers & Testing (and some Tiaras, too)

Testing and Tiaras are back. Earlier this month TLC's Toddlers & Tiaras returned with new episodes in Season 5. And last week Toddlers & Tiaras "superstar" Eden Wood premiered her own show on Logo; Eden's World follows Eden into her post-pageant retirement life (which still involves pageants-- as she and her mom serve as child beauty pageant mentors to pageant hopefuls-- but also includes Eden and her warring managers pursuing modeling and music opportunities in NYC).

Lest you think Eden and her pageant pals are the only pre-pubescent kids being pushed by their parents on television you should have tuned into Nightline on April 13th.  The episode featured families with preschoolers studying for the standardized tests to get them into a gifted classroom in NYC's public school system. Not only were these kids studying, but their parents were paying big bucks to help them prepare. Think thousands and thousands of dollars, hours of time, and untold stress. One mom suspects her daughter is purposely sabotaging herself and ultimately doesn't allow her daughter to take the test.

Why are stressed out families so willing to spend so much time and money to get their children into these classrooms (the question of why they are also willing to announce their children's standardized test scores on national television is a discussion for another time)? In the ever increasing educational arms race the pressure to perform starts younger than ever, especially if the goal is an Ivy-like education. This spring we've heard that Ivy League colleges had their lowest acceptance rates ever (a truly frightening 5.9% at Harvard and 6.8% at Yale).  These single-digit numbers create intense cultural anxiety even among those who don't yet have kids.

But it's not just the numbers "at the top" that are scary. The stats are just as bad when it comes to kindergarten-- at least in NYC. According to The New York Times this year nearly 5000 children qualified for only 400 slots in talented and gifted kindergarten classrooms. That's an 8% acceptance rate. But note that is only for qualified kids, not for the hundreds, likely thousands, more who took the test. People like to criticize these parents for pushing their kids too young, but with numbers like these at four, and then at age 18, can you blame them?  Moreover, it's not just kindergarten.  Middle school testing matters a lot too, and perhaps more so, if you think high school is the real entryway to higher education.

Many stories focus on the test prep companies that have sprung up to make a buck off of these anxiety-ridden parents (though note that many test prep entrepreneurs have their own kids facing the same issues-- one of the three families in the Nightline piece was a woman who started the "top" kindergarten test company, and even her own tot son had issues with the test, which he eventually overcame). And, it is true that test prep, especially at such young ages, likely exacerbates existing inequality, as I've written about before. But, at the same time, these companies are thriving because of a real demand. This demand is fueled partly by them, but it is also a result of demographic shifts in cities, like New York City, and cultural anxiety about class position.

When you really think about it, how different are the moms on Toddlers & Tiaras and the test-prep preschool parents?  They may be going about it in different ways, but most of these parents seem to want the best for their children-- helping them pursue particular hopes and dreams and goals (whether it be to get into Harvard and run for president someday, or get a Disney contract and become the new Britney Spears/Miley Cyrus) and willing to spend lots of money to help them pursue those dreams at a young age.  Amounts of money that others find ludicrous and distasteful.  While testing and tiara parents might find each other foreign in many ways they are cut from the same cloth of our ultra-competitive society, which now targets children in myriad ways.  And given the media's reach, their stories and issues impact, and inspire, families across the country and not just in NYC or the South.

Last week four-year-old Heidi Hankins made headlines around the world for joining Mensa with an IQ of 159 (though, shockingly she's not the youngest-- Oscar Quigley claimed that prize in 2009 when he joined at age two-and-a-half with an IQ of 160).  Based on her picture I'm not quite sure if she's right for Toddlers & Tiaras or shows like Nightline. Perhaps, in a true sign of the times, she's qualified for both?

French Femininity: A double standard when it comes to child beauty pageants and modelling?

Being French is very au courant these days. Thus far Bringing Up Bebe is the parenting book of the year.  Paris Fashion Week just ended. And, now, a French report offers several suggestions on how to fight against the hyper-sexualization of young girls.  While those last two sentences may seem contradictory, given that France is the fashion capital of the world, perhaps we should listen. French Senator Chantal Jouanno (former Sport Minister, karate champion, and [I couldn't resist this oh-so-French tidbit] rumored recent mistress of President Sarkozy) wrote a parliamentary report on the precocious sexualization of girls in France.  Apparently, as in the US, French tweens are seeking out padded bras, high heels, and make-up.  The report targets both the pornography and beauty industries and offers some concrete suggestions for change.  I'll only talk about two aspects of the beauty-industrial complex here-- beauty pageants and modelling-- but the porn industry is indicted in the report, a point not getting much coverage in the American press coverage of the story (I mainly learned about it from this UK article).

Jouanno wants to ban child beauty pageants, or "Mini-Miss," for girls under the ages of either 16 or 18.  While I appreciate the impulse, which is similar to what was proposed in Australia last year, I don't think it is realistic for two reasons, as I mention in articles in the French press (like this one in French magazine VSD).  The first, which I first mentioned while writing about the aborted Australian ban, is that there is nothing inherently illegal about child beauty pageants. As with any childhood activity there is the potential for various forms of abuse (physical, sexual, financial), but the activities themselves aren't abusive.  Moreover it is very difficult for democratic governments to tell parents what they can or cannot do with their children. For example, if child beauty pageants are outlawed will gymnastics, dance, and figure skating follow suit?  Second, it would be easier to forbid child beauty pageants if they did not exist already.  But-- as I am told by French journalists I have spoken with about the report-- child beauty pageants are fairly popular in the north of France.  Once an activity is entrenched it is hard to completely eradicate it even in the face of tremendous pressure; in the US even after the murder of JonBenét Ramsey, which led to unprecedented amounts of media attention, the popularity of child pageants somewhat perversely increased.

That said, I hope Jouanno can promote legal restrictions and regulations when it comes to child beauty pageants.  These events should be treated like any legitimate business, with organizers following the law carefully (along with rules that anyone with any legal issues related to child endangerment not be allowed around the events).  Further, all safety concerns for children related to physical activity and work restrictions (similar to child actors) should be enforced. Finally, any health concerns related to make-up application (like who can charge for services and their level of cleanliness), hair, spray tanning, etc. should be addressed. I hope this will eventually happen in the US as well.

Age restrictions have also been proposed for models.  In fact, a child model was the impetus for the French report. In December 2010 10-year-old Thylane Loubry Blondeau appeared in a spread in French Vogue.  The images were met with little reaction in France at the time. But about 8 months later they caused a stir in the United States. This then prompted French condemnation. The back-and-forth criticisms abound, with little irony.

It seems that everyone can agree that ten is a bit young for these types of modelling gigs. But within a few years, by 14, many girls are deemed catwalk ready. While many designers at this year's New York Fashion Week tried to hire only models over 16, this proved more difficult than you might imagine.  Again, while it may not be inherently illegal to use such young models, the age appropriateness of the content of their modelling should be considered-- along with child labor laws that should apply to all child performers.

Last month another 1o-year-old model, Kaia Gerber, caused a stir stateside.  Gerber, the daughter of two models (mom is Supermodel Cindy Crawford), appeared in a Versace ad.

While Crawford was initially enthusiastic about Gerber's images, after quite a bit of negative press, she later backpedaled and said her daughter would be taking a break from modelling for several years.

Unlike Crawford model father Brad Kroenig seems to have received little to no backlash for letting his child, 3-year-old Hudson, walk in Paris Fashion Week for Chanel.

Now, of course, Hudson is a boy. So his modelling exploits are celebrated on the pages of The New York Times. Will we soon see a French report warning of the dangers of young male models as well? Somehow I don' t think so...

Pretty Parenting in the Press: Last week's media appearances

Last week, in between two month vaccines (I may have cried more than he did!) and StrollFit classes to try to lose that baby weight, I was busy talking about a few different strands of my research. 1) I appeared on NECN's The Morning Show to talk about a new, disturbing trend: T(w)een girls posting YouTube videos of themselves (along with pictures, sometimes in various stages of undress) asking if they are pretty or not. Some of the comments are particularly upsetting, if you dare to look (for example, here and here).

I look better 9 weeks postpartum than I did at 9 months, but I still have a long way to go before I look like Beyonce. Then again, I don't have any of the resources (time OR money!) to exercise four hours a day. And, given, the content of this story I don't think it's very healthy for me to stress about this too much-- so long as Carston is healthy and happy! Speaking of the Little Man, he seemed to enjoy seeing me on TV (and, no, don't worry we don't really let him watch television yet...)

If you truly want to be disturbed by another young girl sexualizing herself on YouTube (apparently with the approval and encouragement of her mother), check out this story on 15-year-old "living" doll Venus Palermo, with quotes from yours truly on the matter.

2) Of course it's not just t(w)een girls who worry about their looks. Thanks to child beauty pageants, girls as young as six weeks can start to fuss over their appearances. But one French senator hopes that won't be the case for French girls; Chantal Jouanno has a proposal to ban child beauty pageants in France (among other things). Here's a French article on the subject that quotes me (extra points if you can translate my quotes!). I'll share some other French media, and my thoughts on this legislation later next week.

3) The parenting scandal of 2011, featuring Tiger Mom Amy Chua, continues to have legs. A group of teenage girls from Indianapolis interviewed me for this article that they wrote in The Indianapolis Star (they are part of a very interesting program for aspiring journalists called Y-Press).  If you're interested in more of my thoughts on the Tiger Mom, check out my USA Today column, Contexts article, and book review in The Huffington Post.

4) On a parenting note, I was quoted in an article on how to ask for help with your newborn ("How to get help with your newborn: New mom survival tips." Michelle Maffei. March 11, 2012). I swear, I can't say enough about a truly knowledgeable baby nurse, like Kathy Todd-Seymour's Mother & Child. If you value sleep, and no inter-generational parenting arguments, it's worth it! Plus, it may help you return to work productivity (such as it is, especially if you are nursing) even sooner.

Have a great week, everyone!

The Age of the Diva: Fallbacks in Dance and Pageants

Watching Dance Moms and Toddlers & Tiaras is always interesting for me-- both because the shows are often entertaining (if only in a horrifying way, like the recent T&T episode that featured Heaven, a modern day Violet Beauregarde with her incessant gum chewing, and Honey Boo Boo child and her TLC crossover extreme couponing momma [who made this deeply disturbing appearance on Anderson Cooper]) and because they bring to life to a broad audience many of the issues I think about in my research on competitive afterschool activities. I find the similar "scandals" that occur across a range of activities especially interesting, as I've written about before. One of them, age manipulation, has been the focus of several episodes in the most recent seasons of both shows. One mother mentioned in the fifth season premiere, the episode with Heaven and Honey Boo Boo, that it is harder for competitors when they have to "move up" in an age category (say from 3-4 to 5-6).  The fourth episode showed how some parents try to give their kids an advantage by using their "fallback" age when they have to move up in an age category.  Adriana's mom explained that while her daughter is five she would be competing as a four year-old because the pageant used a 30-day fallback. This means that because Adriana had her birthday within thirty days of the pageant she could compete as a four-year-old.  This also means that she might have been competing against someone who was 3 years and 31 days, while she was 5 years and 29 days-- a big difference at that age!

Fallbacks are also used in competitive dance, as the second episode of the new season of Dance Moms revealed. Brooke, one of the featured dancers, was able to compete in a younger age category due to her later birthday in January.  That was legal. But one of her other competitors, from a rival dance studio, actually competed under a false age-- which obviously led to her disqualification. This explains why dance teachers are always supposed to have copies of their dancers' birth certificates readily available, in case anyone questions a competitor's age (like the dance competition owners, as pictured below).

Even when complaints aren't formally filed, adults often gossip about the age of competitors.  And, lest you think this is behavior reserved for a group of women who I think are looking for media attention, take a look at this quote from a newly released book called Dance Divas, about a group of middle school-aged girls who participate in dance competitions: "The competition here is really fierce and you just never know.  I saw a girl out there that looked like she was twenty competing in your thirteen year old category. Who knows what's going on?"

In my research for Playing to Win many of the parents and teachers I met had learned to manipulate competitive activity systems in order to maximize the chance of winning-- even in chess.  This was harder to do with travel soccer, which was particularly strict when it came to verifying ages through birth certificates.  Soccer teams had to always have age verification handy and all ages were checked at the beginning of each season. I guess there are fewer divas in soccer. With a new show featuring figure skating moms, Ice Moms, in development (along with a Dance Moms spinoff set in Miami), I'm guessing we're going to see more diva behavior and not less on our television screens though...