Parenting, Pageantry, and Politics

The past month or so has been pretty crazy in the Levey Friedman household-- death, life, illness(es), first teeth, a hurricane and a nor'easter, Halloween, an election, the list goes on.  Through it all I've attempted to keep writing, but the priority has been parenting the Little Man... especially after we lost our childcare in the midst of everything else! Being a SAHM for a few weeks meant my child got to eat Chicken McNuggets for the first time (which he obviously loved; he also napped better than ever after eating them, so McDonald's clearly knows what they are doing).  I attempted to not feel guilty about this, and other things during this time, with varying degrees of success.

Having written about parenting for years, parenting my own child has certainly added a new dimension to my work, as I knew it would. And just this week I published my first ever parenting essay over on Kveller's Raising Kvell blog.  You'll see that it's about whether or not Little Man should be thinking about competition at 8-months-old.  [You will also note that I am not the woman pictured swimming. As I say to the husband each week, "Someone would have to pay me a lot of money these days to get me into a bathing suit." Of course, if you're that person, feel free to call or email me.]

In last month's Boston Magazine I wrote about some hyper-competitive sports parents in New England, a group which often makes national headlines for their misbehavior.  Swimming parents did make the tournament, but didn't advance far, which in this case is a good thing.  It seems like I won't be part of that group, although clearly I can't speak for the aforementioned husband.  Yesterday I was on NECN's The Morning Show talking about this issue (see below) and speculating about why these stories often come out of the Boston area.

(In the past month I've recently addressed some other parenting issues, from a sociological perspective, on The Morning Show including parents using social media to discipline their children and parents trying to ban yoga from their children's elementary school.)

Parenting a competitive child does not come cheap, as this recent CNBC.com slideshow that features my research reveals, but many parents consider it worth the effort.  Parents are also starting to "afterschool" their kids, as this new, interesting article reveals; note that I'm quoted here as saying, "They want to make sure their kids stay at the top of their class," but in general parents just want to try to be sure their kids "stay at the top."

As I've learned over the years people can stay at the top in a variety of fields.  It can be in parenting, swimming, hockey, football, chess, soccer, dance, school, and, yes, beauty pageants.  Competition abounds in our society.  As a follow-up to my two pieces earlier this year on beauty queen political candidates-- women looking to conquer both pageants and politics-- I posted on The Hill this week with an update on how the beauties fared in their elections (spoiler: one won!).

Because I was home with him I got to take the Little Man to see democracy in action for the first time.  But he wouldn't tell which beauty queen politician he would have voted for... Guess I'll have to wait until he can talk to find out!

Pint-Sized Football Phenoms

We're in the midst of multiple football seasons-- Pop Warner, high school, college, and pros-- and, like anything, we have some good and some bad stories. The bad stories focus on injuries and over-involved adults.  Massachusetts and New England are no strangers to crazy youth sports parents and physical altercations (as I wrote about in last month's Boston Magazine).  While hockey parents were named the whackiest, football parents came in a close second.  Given that, it's no surprise that MA youth football season has been making headlines-- both in the region and nationally.  Following a September game between two Central Massachusetts teams which resulted in five preteen players sustaining concussions, adult coaches and officials were suspended and banned for allowing aggressive play to go on for so long.  In general the reaction has been negative mainly because of the new culture surrounding football in general with regard to head injuries, especially when it comes to the youth game.

But just as we have become more concerned over the safety of youth football players, we also have seen a rise in the number of pint-sized football phenoms.  An article in the October 15th issue of The New Yorker by Ben McGrath, "Head Start: Steve Clarkson grooms future quarterbacks for the pros," sheds light on private coaching for young quarterbacks, which can start as soon as kids hit double digits.  It's not surprising that organizations like Clarkson's Dreammaker Academy exist, given society's penchant for rewarding precocity and athletic achievement.  What is surprising about the article is the extent to which some parents will go to get their children in with Clarkson and college coaches-- like holding their sons back a year in middle school (different from academic redshirting in kindergarten), paying thousands of dollars for an hour session, or changing schools (sometimes mid-year, sometimes across state lines, and sometimes inventing a new school from scratch).  McGrath rightly points out that it has taken a surprisingly long time to cultivate football prodigies (partly because size is so important, but unclear until kids get older), but given the intricacy behind the quarterback position it makes sense that this would be the first one to see the youngest of the pint-sized football phenoms.

Even though I hope my own son won't be a pint-sized football phenom someday-- primarily because of concerns about head injuries (and I'm not the only mom who thinks this!)-- I would be thrilled if he displayed the type of character these pint-sized football phenoms have shown this fall.  Yes, these are the good stories and you may need a tissue after you read them.

1) Heartwarming story about a senior football star in Ohio, Michael Ferns, who intentionally went out of bounds so that a freshman, Logan Thompson, could score. Why? Thompson's father had just passed away from a stroke two days before.  Special moment in video and pictures can be seen here.

2) Great story about a NJ kicker, Anthony Starego, who helped his team win recently.  What's special about his story is that he has pretty severe autism.  I also love that his team has fully accepted him and they make sure that no one bullies him.  Just hope that all of the people discussed in this story are safe after Hurricane Sandy.

3) But  the best story in my opinion is about Carson Jones and Chy Johnson.  Chy has a brain disorder and had been severely bullied. Her mom spoke to Jones, the star quarterback of an undefeated high school team in AZ.  Jones and his teammates took Chy under their wings and had her sit with them at lunch.  Everyday.  I first read about this on the 27th in New York Daily News. I was not at all surprised to see that ESPN picked up the story a few days later.  Rick Reilly's story about Chy and her boys moved me even more deeply-- though didn't mention if the team was still undefeated. No matter what the outcome of their season is, this are remarkable young men. I dare you to read about them and not tear up a bit.

While Carston likely won't be on any undefeated football teams, I hope he is an honorable man like Carson Jones.  I hope he appreciates people's differences-- the good and the bad-- and can root for others.  He attended his first football game this weekend (Harvard vs. Columbia, and he cheered the Crimson on to victory).  Even fans can be pint-sized phenoms.

Cheering on Cheer

Today I woke up excited it was Friday-- but then I realized I wouldn't be getting a new episode of Cheer and I had to hit the snooze button to recover. Cheer, which has aired on CMT for the past six weeks, quickly became one of my favorite reality series, warming my normally analytical sociological heart.  It focuses on a group of senior all-star cheerleaders from Jersey, coached by the tough but loving Patty Ann Romero, who runs Central Jersey Allstars.  I'm usually critical of reality shows that feature young kids (for example, see my article in USA Today about how the law should better protect kids on reality television shows)-- though I watch them all, of course, especially those that feature performance elements like dance and singing.  I've gone on record saying that I think Toddlers & Tiaras should be off the air and that much of Dance Moms is contrived, and contrived in a way that hurts the young dancers.

But I studied both child beauty pageants and competitive dance, so I'm more of an insider when it comes to those activities.  While I've read a lot about "cheer," or cheerleading, I've never seen a competition or practice in person.  Obviously there are similarities to competitive dance, beauty pageants, and even Irish dancing, but all-star cheering comes with its own lingo, style, and cast of characters.  It was fun to learn that "Senior 5" did not refer to the number of seniors in a group, that most of the girls don't use wiglets but their real hair to get those bouncy girls, and that Happy Hooper is a real person (and I assume the inspiration for Sparky Polastri in Bring It On?).

Happy Hooper is just one of the "characters" I enjoyed while watching Cheer, and one of many adults who I thought was portrayed as positive role models in the series.  Hooper comes in as a pyramid expert to help the team increase their difficulty.  The girls from Jersey definitely enjoy his Southern accent while benefiting from his expertise.  Note that cheerleading is one of the best childhood activities when it comes to properly credentialing people to coach kids; of course, this is likely related to its high injury rate.  While anyone can open a cheer gym in the same way anyone can open a dance studio or gymnastics facility, only certified coaches can participate in particular organizations' competitions (the warring cheer organizations would likely make an interesting documentary subject as well, based on what I've read!).

The most positive role model is clearly the head coach of CJA, Patty Ann Romero (I noticed on their website that she is co-founder of the gym, so hopefully in a Season 2 we'd learn more about others in the gym as well). Patty Ann is tough, but loving. She sheds tears when her team wins, she sheds tears when she is proud of them even if that doesn't mean coming in first, and she sheds tears when she thinks she herself has made a mistake-- powerfully shown in episode 3 when a bullying situation comes up in the gym.  This is clearly a woman who loves both coaching young kids and winning.  Unlike others (like, oh, Abby Lee Miller), her ego doesn't seem to get in the way of her focus on raising young kids into adulthood.  Let's face it, most kids who start any competitive activity will not end up being professionals, but they can learn how to be more successful adults through participation with the aid of tough but constructive coaching.  Based on what was shown on Cheer that's the case at CJA with Patty Ann in charge.

That doesn't mean there aren't any tears on the part of the kids in the show. Indeed just as many tears were shown in practice as at competitions. I'm sure the private office coach sit downs were sometimes a bit staged (though at least most of the time these dressing downs were "in private," and not in front of the team, though my most serious critique is that preserving these sessions on camera isn't ideal for young girls), but there wasn't any pyramid foolishness.  Mama drama was kept to a minimum too, as Patty Ann blocks off the viewing room windows from inside the gym.  When the moms were shown it was almost always for positive reasons, like organizing a team fundraiser.  That doesn't mean there isn't drama between parents on the team, of course, but it does mean they behaved like reasonable adults and didn't screen obscenities at one another in front of kids or on camera.

Instead of focusing on extraneous drama Cheer allowed the natural drama of kids and competition to unfold.  It showed the winning and the losing, the hard work, and the injuries.  It also showed the development of leadership skills in these young women.

On a fun note,Cheeralso showed some amazing hair. Patty Ann's 'do is a true wonder (Jersey obviously produces women who invest a lot of time in their signature hair styles); I imagine she has a great teasing brush, set of curlers, and hairspray.  So do her girls, who know how to work a curling iron like no one's business. I personally like the curled ponies, which keeps the hair out of their faces while they tumble, though I prefer them without the huge Snooki-like pouf in front, as pictured below.

Here you see some CJA hair, and the genuine affectation the head coach and one of her charges seem to have for one another.  CJA admits they are tough and they aren't for everyone-- but there is a lot of love there.  I'm guessing CJA likely doesn't hold grudges if a family decides someplace else is more their style, as they recognize they aren't for everyone, but I could be wrong.  I'm guessing just like in other activities there are issues around student poaching, choreography theft, and age group tampering, but I'd like to think CJA doesn't engage in any of these typical behaviors.

Now, can't we get Patty Ann her own Ultimate Cheer Show instead of rewarding teachers who focus more on negativity?

What happens when you are first-time parents who study competition and education? Part II

Almost 9-months ago, right before my son was born, I blogged about how my work and my husband's work would impact our parenting.  Obviously so much in our lives has changed since then-- yet much has remained the same. Various "family business" over the past week captures all of our various interests... and hint at Little Man Carston's future academic and extracurricular pursuits!

1) Economics- With the Chicago teacher's strike my economist husband's research on teacher evaluations has been back in the news.  He spoke on the radio station WGBH about how similar issues might strike Boston over evaluation processes.  His work also appeared in The New York Times again, described in Nicholas Kristof's September 12th column, "Students Over Unions," as "the gold standard study."  Here is how Kristof described the work:

There’s now solid evidence that there are huge differences in the effectiveness of teachers, even within high-poverty schools. The gold standard study, by Harvard and Columbia University scholars and released in December by the National Bureau of Economic Research, took data from a major urban school district and found that even in the context of poverty, teachers consistently had a huge positive or negative impact.

Get a bottom 1 percent teacher, and the effect is the same as if a child misses 40 percent of the school year. Get a teacher from the top 20 percent, and it’s as if a child has gone to school for an extra month or two.

The study found that strong teachers in the fourth through eighth grades raised the game of their students in ways that would last for decades. Just having a strong teacher for one elementary year left pupils a bit less likely to become mothers as teenagers, a bit more likely to go to college and earning more money at age 28.

Removing the bottom 5 percent of teachers would have a huge impact. Students in a single classroom with an average teacher, rather than one from the bottom 5 percent, collectively will earn an additional $1.4 million over their careers, the study found.

2) Sociology- As the sociologist in the family I've also been speaking out, often on NECN's The Morning Show (for all of my recent clips, click here).  Last Tuesday I spoke about the evolving meanings of 9/11 and how we can commemorate the day with a new generation of children.

Today I spoke about the powerful op-ed, written by Bill Lichtenstein and published in last Sunday's The New York Times,and how and why discipline in the schools has evolved over time.

There's been some controversy over "A Terrifying Way to Discipline Children," though the basic facts of what happened to Lichtenstein's daughter remain undisputed.  For a good piece on the topic, see this Time article, along with Lichtenstein's own website, which provides commentary and links to both positive and negative pieces.

3) Sports- As I blogged last Thursday I reviewed a new sociology book on female sports fans on The Rumpus, mentioning my interest and John's interest in sports.  No word yet on Carston's athletic preferences though.

4) Pageants- Last Thursday evening I was thrilled to help select two new Miss America system queens-- Miss University and Miss Strafford County-- who will go on to compete for the title of Miss New Hampshire 2013.  I was impressed with so many of the people I met during the experience and I look forward to following their careers.  The most interesting, and difficult, part of the pageant wasn't the swimsuit competition, it was the interview.  Going through it, it's easy to see why the process of competing for Miss America is one very long job interview.

While we don't yet know which social science will most interest Carston-- or if his primary interests will be around education, sports, or pageantry-- we do know that he is already a media maven.  He especially loves social media, as his onesie reveals.  My Little Man, who is "Famous on Facebook," got this new portrait taken last week in between Mommy and Daddy's media appearances!

Can't wait to see who he will become!

A Post-Olympics Reading List (for enthusiastic fans who can't wait for Sochi 2014)

If you're anything like me, you and your family are facing a post-Olympics letdown. I have the perfect solution. No, not starting to play any Olympic sports. As I wrote last week, I'm more of a reader than a athlete.  I recommend you and your kids crack open the bindings of some of these recent books about competitive sports.

1) Swimming Studies by Leanne Shapton- This meditative, artistic work is the perfect book for the Internet/blog age.  Shapton writes in snippets recalling her time as a national-caliber swimmer and how it shaped her.  It is a type of memoir that reads a lot like a blog with moments vividly captured in words, and sometimes with the aid of paintings or photographs.  I found Shapton's experience as a Canadian youth who was very, very good, but not great enough to make the Olympics (she went to the Olympic Trials several times), powerful.  All of us likely feel this way about some aspect of our lives and Shapton's elegant turns of phrase and evocative sense of mood is quite appealing.  Recommend for adults interested in memoir and good writing and for teens thinking of swimming more seriously, as this book shows that there is life after swimming for those who aren't Missy Franklin or Katie Ledecky.

2) Rush for the Gold: Mystery at the Olympics by John Feinstein- This may be surprising but this was the first YA "thriller" since the Hunger Games to actually keep my interest piqued until the end (especially since I read a lot of adult thrillers). Now, to be clear, this is no Harry Potter or Catching Fire, but this is an enjoyable book, part of the Last Shot series by sports journalist Feinstein.  I haven't read any of the previous works in the series and there were clearly some characters whose significance was lost on me, but I enjoyed Feinstein's sense of pace and that the mystery didn't involve death or serious bodily harm (especially important for younger readers). The excellence of the main characters is at times unbelievable (they are national known high school-age sports writers, and the extremely beautiful one happens to make the Olympics in the butterfly-- think an alpha-ier Missy Franklin), but Feinstein's insider knowledge about swimming and journalism makes up for the less believable aspects of the story.  While it obviously couldn't be 100% up-to-date, it does get many things right.  While it ends a bit abruptly the story will appeal to male and female middle grade readers whether or not they are swimmers and athletes themselves.

3) Game Changers by Mike Lupica- Another middle grade series written by a sports journalist, Game Changers tackles a non-Olympic sport-- football.  Lupica covers aspects of youth travel sports that many young readers will be familiar with, especially boys.  I was less interested in the details of the football games played and more interested in the story, but I'm guessing that if I were a sixth grade boy I'd appreciate the accurate game descriptions.  Lupica has written about competitive youth sports before, so if your little one likes this know there are more books where this came from.

4) Making Waves: A PrettyTOUGH Novel by Nicole Leigh Shepherd- While the Lupica books are directed more at male readers, the Pretty Tough series is directed at females.  As their website explains they explore girls who are both fierce and feminine.  I've read the first four books in the series, each of which focuses on a different sport (soccer, football, basketball, and softball) and the latest is from a new author in the series who focuses on the summer season of lifeguarding, complete with a scholarship competition at the end of the season.  Characters are repeated throughout the series, so faithful readers will appreciate updates on their favorites, so if you haven't read the others you might have a bit of difficulty keeping all the characters straight.  Middle grade girl readers will really love learning about the private lives of student athletes-- both at home with family, and with friends and romantic interests.  Girls will enjoy the realistic situations that acknowledge how hard growing up in today's electronic and pressure-filled world can be, but parents can rest assured that the books tend to have a happy resolution when it comes to both athletics and romance.

I hope you and your young reader find that these books and authors tide over your Olympic enthusiasm until at least February 7, 2014 when the XXII Winter Games begin in Sochi!