Stick-thin, Stripper shoes, and Slick bodies: My Random Reflections on Miss Universe 2014

It might be because I am 30+ weeks pregnant and I was so tired after a dinner out with my husband I fell asleep before it even fully aired (full disclosure: given the time change and tape delay I actually looked up the results before I even went to dinner), but I found this year's production pretty boring, and filled with unnaturally skinny competitors (USA excepted, who actually looked muscular and fit in her swimsuit). The Miss Universe 2014 Pageant didn't have to be boring. Before it even took place it generated quite a bit of controversy thanks to its Moscow location and Russia's new, formal anti-gay legislation (Andy Cohen dropped out as host and I kept hoping one of the women would make a statement about it during the event). The Pageant could have been even bigger in the USA considering the reigning Miss Universe, Olivia Culpo, was Miss USA. But besides the usual camp it was boring and the ratings, I believe, were the worst ever; only .9 of adults 18-49 watched, way down from last year.

One bright spot for anyone who knows how much I *love* the national costumes was that during the Parade of Nations each contestant's costume was pictured alongside them as they did their live intro. Anderson Cooper did a pretty funny send-up of the costumes earlier in the week (chilis on butts and man babies were my favorite parts, in addition to his giggles), but I can't believe he didn't mention France with the Eiffel Tower on her head! During the Parade I couldn't help but notice the stand-out hair of Canada (like an anchor woman stuck her finger in a socket), Slovenia (a truly unbelievable bottle shade of blonde), and Switzerland (a funky short do that we got to see again as she made Top 16). Also making Top 16 was Nicaragua, who won the National Costume award!

The 16 came out of 86 contestants, so making the cut is a big deal. The one woman who I was truly surprised didn't make it, based on looks and some of the pre-pageant hype and stories, was Miss Israel. In every shot of her she looked stunning, so I wonder what happened... The other thing I noticed right away when the Top 16 was announced was that Miss India was so light-skinned, lending credence to many of the claims that the reigning Miss America, Nina Davuluri, wouldn't be considered beautiful in India because of her darker skin.

As usual swimsuit kicked things off (along with the usual somewhat odd musical guests). I hated the tacky close-ups of body parts at the start of the number. Also, the aforementioned oiled and too-thin bodies. I also disliked the "fur" wraps the women wore out and carried with them. It's already so strange to see them in high heels (and "stripper heels" refer to the platforms built on to many to add additional height, which are even now favored in evening gown), so why add a fur wrap while in a bikini?! The eventual winner, Venezuela, was especially well-oiled and thin.

I was impressed that Olivia Culpo came out in the million dollar suit. While she dd keep most of herself covered with the wrap, I can't imagine an outgoing Miss America putting on a swimsuit more than a year after her win, so kudos to her (even if her white eye make-up/concealer around her eyes was distracting). Culpo is a true beauty though-- I thought Ukraine looked a lot like her and expected her in Top 5, but perhaps their similar look explains why she didn't make the final cut.

The final cut featured three our of five women from South America. The final questions were predictably awkward, but nothing terrible happened. For me Venezuela's Gabriela Isler was a standout-- especially with her neon white teeth and long-sleeved gown-- so I wasn't surprised when she won.

2D9652267-tdy-miss-venezuela-131109-04.blocks_desktop_large by Pavel Golovkin for AP

I think USA/UK canceled one another out from making Top 5, which was too bad as UK was a great contestant this year. Some women seemed especially unhappy to not make a cut at all; for instance, every time I saw Azerbaijan in the background she was scowling. Then again, the Top 5 seemed happy. Each woman clapped for herself when her name was announced as a runner-up!

The end to the Pageant was extraordinarily strange though. Here it is in its entirety:

The winner not hearing her name was edited out of the US broadcast, but the crown falling stayed in.

The one other thing to note from this Pageant was that on TWO occasions one of the co-hostesses commented on women being "former tomboys." The implication was always that they were unattractive then and only later became beautiful. This is of course ridiculous. You can be a tomboy and be beautiful as well. And in the US this is usually seen as a good thing. But perhaps the focus on beauty and not athleticism/fitness is why so many of this year's contestants were absolutely too thin. Let's hope for better next year, wherever Miss Universe is held.

An American Girl: Every Day is a Competition

In the midst of my book tour, I heard a song on the radio for the first time. I almost pulled the car off the road. Here's the song:

(In case you missed it, you can see the lyrics here; warning that the song is pretty catchy, which is not surprising given that Bonnie McKee has apparently penned most of Katy Perry's #1 hits.)

Can you guess which line shocked me? Here it is: "I'm an American girl... Every day is a competition." And, no, she doesn't mean the dolls.

Of course there is more to this song to unpack, like the lines, "I was raised by a television...I'm loving taking over the wold... No I don't listen to mommy." But it's the competition line that caught my attention and, frankly, shocked me. If competition in American girlhood is so accepted as to be part of a pop music hit, where do we go from here?

In August my piece on girls and competition (an excerpt from Playing to Win that ran in The Atlantic) garnered a lot of attention and comments. So clearly I am no stranger to competition in American girlhood. Still, the notion that it is sung about and seen as normal as being reared on TV is new to me-- and strangely empowering, even if it is worrisome.

It used to be we only celebrated competition for boys, so perhaps it is progress this is so mainstream for girls now. Recent articles that cite Playing to Win highlight this rise of competition, especially as it impacts girls-- like this piece in The New Republic on ballet competitions. 

In other press I have done recently, like this Podcast or this piece on letting a child quit an activity, the images accompanying them have portrayed girls-- like this:

I think it's great that girls are portrayed as often, and sometimes more so, when talking about competitive afterschool activities (not all the time, like here, but nonetheless this is a GREAT article on early specialization among kids today).

Of course it's not just gender that matters among kids today; as I write here, class and inequality matter a lot, as does our American context.

So Bonnie McKee has it right that every day is a competition among American girls. It's just unclear if this matters or not-- even though parents surely think it does (as I argue in this most recent essay in Education Next). But it is certainly an idea that has gone mainstream.

Now, I'm off to catch up on my TV... and my competition. Yes, I'm an American girl myself.

The Costs (Financial and Emotional) of Youth Sports

The big sports story in Boston this week is of course the World Series. But it's also significant that this week it's not Boston-based parents who are the subject of the bad sports parent story making national headlines. As I've written about before in Boston Magazine, youth sports in Massachusetts tend to be extremely competitive and lead to some ill-behavior. Boston Sports Parents by Zohar Lazar for Boston Magazine

In the tournament showdown in the piece hockey parents took the "prize," so it's no surprise that when a parent got in a fight at a youth sporting event and actually punched a CHILD, it was at a hockey game. A 14-year-old was punched in the face by a 44-year-old chiropractor in Palm Beach County, FL. Dr. Matthew Supran was arrested after also pounding the child's head into the boards. It must be noted that Palm Beach is an affluent area and Supran is obviously educated-- showing that the intense competitive youth culture impacts people even at the higher ends of the class structure.

Earlier this month an article I wrote for The Atlantic on the history of on competitive youth sports helped inspire this NYT's Room for Debate, which provoked some thoughtful responses and comments on how to balance these activities for kids. Of course the focus should be on kids, and not parents. A mix of fun and seriousness seems to be the right mix, but it's hard to get that exactly right.

And, of course, participation in these activities isn't free-- not even close. Last weekend NBC Nightly News did a segment on two baseball playing brothers at IMG Academies and how much their parents pay each year (close to six-figures for *each* of them). As you'll see around 1:43 of this clip, I make an appearance emphasizing how important it is to not just focus on one activity for the health of your child, by which I mean both physically and psychologically.

While this post may seem a bit negative, it is important to remember that there are also many benefits to participation in youth sports, as I wrote about last week for The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation's Human Capital blog (a Foundation that has funded parts of my research). In fact I emphasize that the impact of participation can be so great that we need to work to ensure that *all* children have access to the skills and lessons youth sports help develop, and not just the kids whose parents can invest six-figures and who live in Palm Beach...

Confessions of a First Time Academic Author on Book Tour

Before my book, Playing to Win: Raising Children in a Competitive Culture, came out, people kept asking me if I would be going on a book tour. My response was always to laugh because these days if you aren't Daniel Silva, Alice Munro, or Malcolm Gladwell, no one is rolling out the red carpet for you (and your publisher, even a big name one, doesn't really have the kind of resources to do that). Given that my first book was published by a university press-- albeit a great one, especially for what I do [University of California]-- the thought was basically a pipe dream. These days a blog tour is a far more realistic goal, and likely one that helps you reach more readers anyway (and, lucky me, a group of amazing bloggers has been writing about Playing to Win through The Brilliant Book Club: Illuminating Reads for Parents). But I knew I would want to do some local celebrating at least, so over the summer I contacted my local Barnes & Noble and some other independent book stores in the area. The same day I contacted them, my local B&N had me scheduled. Yes, it was that easy!

Hillary Friedman Barnes and Noble(A few months later at my local B&N doing a discussion and signing-- my first! Also covered by my local Patch, a great resource.)

So then I thought perhaps I should contact some other bookstores within driving distance of my house. When they set dates as well I looked ahead to my fall calendar to check out places where I knew I would be traveling already (like when I went to visit my husband working in DC for the year) and then contacted bookstores in those areas. I also did a few trips that dovetailed with family visits, so that in the end I only really paid for one trip solely as a book promotion event. And thus my own little "national book tour" was organized.

Now given my royalty cut and the number of books you can realistically expect to sell at any given event, you aren't doing these signings to make money-- though it's great visibility for your book, of course. But that also means trying to keep costs down in other ways; for instance, I got to sleep on the air mattresses of a few friends (though I don't recommend this in your second, and especially your third trimester of pregnancy...). Given my academic background I also often combined a book signing at a store with a talk at a local university.

Many people have been surprised that all my signings ended up at Barnes & Noble stores. Some might see this as a sign of a big box gobbling up smaller stores, which of course may be true, but it's not the whole story here. I also always contacted independent book stores and I often never heard anything back. Stores I did here back from were already booked 5-6 months in advance and didn't have any openings when I would be in town. The good news from this though is that Barnes & Nobles were for the most part tremendously responsive and supportive, doing their own publicity and always getting me a drink (again, this matters when you are pregnant).

What else was good-- and bad, and ugly from my tour?

The Good

1) Seeing old friends- I know my focus should always be on selling books, but honestly one of the best parts of traveling around the country was connecting with so many people from different parts of my life. At one event I had family along with friends from high school, college, and grad school, and then total strangers sitting side-by-side. That was pretty cool, and much of it thanks to Facebook (a reminder of how important social media is to authors).

In my home town I also had two of my middle school teachers present (The woman on the left actually taught me Language Arts and was my advisor for Accelerated Reader and Forensics so to say she contributed in some way to every phase of this book is not an understatement! And the woman on the right taught me pre-algebra and U.S. History and in general how to be an organized student.) and even my orthodontist (If you know me well you know I spent close to ten years of my life in braces and survived two reconstructive jaw surgeries, so it's not as crazy as it sounds given how well I know him, but it's still very neat).

45E. 59.(Clearly I also did some childcare double duty from time to time as well-- but that's the life of a working writer mama!)

I took many more photos with friends at events-- and I love it when friends send me photos of their own copies of the book, or better yet their own kids with the book-- and sometime in the next few weeks I will be making a photo book so I can always remember these times.

2) Making new, very young friends- Every single store I went to had me do something slightly different and no two stores did things in exactly the same way. Some wanted a reading and discussion, others just a meet-and greet, for example-- but more on that later. At events where I did a meet-and greet, especially on the weekends, I got to chat with some of the youngest readers. Whenever a store put me in the front, right by the door, and especially close to the children's section, I got to see kids. So many of them were just so impressed to meet a "real" author. Several asked me what they would have to do to write a book someday and I told them to just keep reading! Those interactions never directly resulted in sales (who knows, maybe their parents went online later to buy though), but they did give my appearances extra special meaning for me.

36.

The Bad

1) Being late.- Call it Murphy's Law, but whenever I had a good turnout something would go wrong; whenever the turnout was low (or sometimes, sob, non-existent), the store had tons of copies of the book and beautiful signs all over the store, and even in the windows!

86.The worst was definitely when I was 45 minutes late to a signing due to unbelievable traffic. Yes, that was worse than the one event I had to cancel due to a childcare issue related to my husband's job. At least I knew with a few days' notice I had to cancel, when I was late I was just late. In the end, I knew there was nothing I could do, but I still shed a few stress-related tears.

2) Being hidden- It was also very frustrating to go to some stores and basically be hidden. When you are asked to do a meet-and-greet but you are put in the music section of the store you aren't going to get any foot traffic or connect with people who might have been looking for anything remotely similar to your book. You can sit with a smile on your face, and drink something, but it's pretty dispiriting. Luckily, they weren't all like that, of course! I also found, similar to point #1, that some stores ordered many more copies of my book than others and a few times I almost sold out. I wished that the extra books from other signings could have been easily transferred.

The Ugly

1) Promotion vs. Sales- As you can probably tell based on how this little book tour came about, I am pretty resourceful , and I think, decent at self-promotion. I always figure it's better to ask and the worst thing someone can say is, "No." But one thing I did learn about myself from this experience is that while I may be comfortable with promotion, I'm not a great salesperson when it comes to myself. Two examples: 1) At one store the manager asked me to walk around with my book and go up to customers to tell them about it. I just couldn't bring myself to do this! [Note that this was a good example of how every store does things differently because another store told me explicitly not to talk with customers and try to sell the book and bug them-- something I completely understood!] It somehow felt like begging. 2) At another store, a meet-and-greet near the front door, I was paired with two other authors. I didn't know beforehand, but once I arrived I thought this could be great since it would be less lonely and all of our books were quite different so we might get one another new readers after an initial chat. One of the authors excelled at her own saleswomanship though. When someone would walk in the front door she would immediately ask, "Do you read true crime?" And then launch into a description of her book. Again, I had a hard time doing this-- felt like I was invading readers' shopping experiences. At one point though when a reader responded she couldn't read the true crime book, finding the topic upsetting (a mother killing her two teenage children), I jumped in that my book was quite different, about parents who invest a lot in their kids. Well the saleswoman author then jumped back in that her murdering mom had also done lots of afterschool activities with her kids, but still killed them. At that the reader walked away and I decided to just keep my mouth shut...

2) Bringing your own books- It only happened once (and also the only store that wasn't prepared for my event when I arrived, with people actually waiting), but I actually had to get other stores to transfer books and carry them in myself because the books hasn't arrived to the store in time-- another case of be prepared for anything on a book tour!

So what practical advice can I offer to other first time authors, especially from small presses?

The first is to sign your books! I learned that once a book is signed it can't be returned. That means it's a sale actually. At one of my final stops the manager told me to sign their whole stock and they won't even get stuck with it-- it gets sent back to a warehouse and distributed to other stores as a signed copy. By the end of my tour I was signing all books and not being shy about it-- which I was at the beginning.

Hillary Friedman Barnes and Noble[Sidenote: One of the truly strange experiences here was signing my married name. I really never sign it and I had no practice doing it! Sure I scrawl a signature on credit card receipts-- one too many according to my husband, of course-- but I rarely try to write legibly. I could sign "Hilary Levey" well and quickly, but then would have to pause to think about it when I signed "Friedman." Again, by the end of my tour I was better at this, but it took getting used to.]

Speaking of signing, do get signage. I didn't take this everywhere, but I did like having this roll down/up sign (a tip I got from taking a book promotion seminar at Grub Street in Boston).

PlayingtoWinBookLaunch011In the end I often had to check it on a plane and it wasn't worth the $50 baggage fee (see previous comment on royalty cut), but it was worth it other places. Would be much easier to use now if I wasn't the aforementioned 3rd trimester-pregnant, but if I was more mobile and able to bend over more easily, I'd have used it even more.

Finally, whenever you can, do a reading/discussion. While meet-and-greets could be fun for meeting kids and total strangers, I attracted more in-store customers when I was reading. At one event a high school student sat down and shared his own experiences based on what I read, which was neat. Also, even if only four people were there for a whole reading, I felt more energized after, especially if there were good questions.

I'm really glad I did this and I learned a lot for the next (!) time. It also helped that because of my pregnancy I could put a pretty firm deadline on when I would stop doing events. While my in-store events are done I am doing talks at parents' clubs and other similar more private groups.

And let's just say that I will never forget doing this at my college bookstore, almost exactly 15 years to the date after I bought my first book there-- a book for a Sociology class that set me down this whole path in the first place...

19.Now, though, I am simply ready for a nap!

My Thoughts on Miss America 2014: The Return to Atlantic City and Other Pageant Controversies

It's been a little over two weeks since Nina Davuluri was crowned Miss America 2014. After an initial media burst, interest has faded a bit-- though she is still in the public eye more than I might have expected. Also, thanks to the French ban on child beauty pageants, a proposed ban in Quebec, and serious protests at Miss World, beauty pageants have remained very much in the public conversation. The 2014 Miss America Pageant got a lot of attention this year because of the return to Atlantic City and a September pageant date. A few contestants, like Miss Kansas, got the lions share of pre-pageant media attention (thanks to her tattoos, military background, and archery talent-- though no one but me seemed fascinated by her shade of bleached blonde hair that basically blended with her skin tone...). Miss New York, Nina Davuluri, got some negative press attention after a NY Post article quoted her as saying that Miss America 2013 (also from New York) was "[expletive] fat." Here are more details on that, and my thoughts on the controversy, published on Yahoo! Shine.

Because of the return to AC, Miss America even got attention from the paper of record's editorial page. I was one of six participants in a New York Times Room for Debate forum on whether Miss America is bad for women. You can read my piece (and the others) by clicking here. Was also a total bucket list moment when mine was one of three excerpted in Sunday's Review section!

52.

Most of the comments-- both positive and negative-- were extremely thoughtful. While I can't respond to all of them, I did want to point out two facts as they directly relate to what I wrote and to several commenters. The first is that in addition to scholarship money Miss America actually earns a salary, which is six figures. Each state queen also earns appearance fees. If a winner never goes back to school (or has no student loans) she never sees that scholarship money, but she did in fact earn a nice chunk of pocket change for her year. Second, many women who never win a state title still earn a significant amount of scholarship money. For instance, when I judged Miss NJ, one woman who didn't even make Top 10 at the pageant still earned several thousand dollars in scholarships (note, NOT cash prize) thanks to her service and academic performance. At each local even swimsuit and talent winners earn scholarships that start at $100, or even $50, but the rewards add up each year.

Due to the NYT article I also had the pleasure of appearing on Melissa Harris-Perry on MSNBC the day of the Pageant, along with a former Miss America and some critics. Here I am sitting next to Soledad O'Brien (let's just say that in general it was a bucket list Sunday!):

54.You can watch the clip by clicking here, or watching below, and if you do you will see I tried to give historical and social context to where Miss America is today.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

In the second segment I didn't get a chance to give my point of view about young girls competing, which is why Prof. Harris-Perry asked me to write this follow-up piece on why I never competed as the daughter of a former Miss America.

(Lest you think I am uncritical of Miss America as well, think again. For instance, check out this piece I wrote that ran at The Forward about why it's hypocritical of Miss America to say it celebrates diversity when it was held during the High Holy Days for Jews, eliminating a segment of the population from competing.)

After leaving the MSNBC studios I hustled back to Atlantic City to see the live event. Here I am in front of the stage in Boardwalk Hall before the televised portion began:

57a.

Being in the audience is a bit like being in the audience at the Super Bowl (not that I've ever done that!); you would likely have a better view at home, but the atmosphere is great fun. In the live audience you don't get to see many of the "video packages" seen at home-- though we did get to see the taped opening number and hear the contestants' state intros (I admit I totally laughed out loud when Miss Vermont announced she was lactose intolerant).

It's also fun during commercial breaks, with people like Dena Rizzo keeping the audience entertained and happy. This also explains why I didn't make time to Tweet or anything-- it's all part of the show.

While I obviously missed the 20/20 special (though I watched it the next day), I knew all about Miss Florida's injury. I have to say that during her talent the entire audience was behind her and it was a special uplifting moment when she twirled so well (and interesting how people reacted by booing after the emcee cut off her [bad] on-stage answer). Plus, who can't get behind a BEDAZZLED knee brace?!

Even during the live pageant I just hated seeing the eliminated contestants forced to sit on stage and watch, I DETESTED the way talent was handled as usual (not letting contestants know beforehand so they can be properly prepared to do their best on national TV), and I disliked the constant talk about food and binging after the pageant.

Overall it was a strong Top 5 and could have gone several different ways, but when Miss New York was crowned I immediately thought: 1) Third time ever for back-to-back state winners, and 2) First ever Indian-American winner, how cool. It wasn't until the next day that I heard about the horribly racist online reaction, something that didn't even enter my mind when I headed off to visitation. But it did give rise to good articles (like this one) and an interesting way to welcome Vanessa Williams (also Miss Syracuse, New York, and America) back into the Miss America fold.

Miss America also got good ratings, its best in years, which likely helps explain the more sustained media attention. Also, the fact that beauty pageants have remained part of the media conversation every week since. The week after, France made headlines after passing a bill that included a ban for all pageants offered to girls under age 16 (this has been talked about for the past year, as I wrote about previously). For my thoughts on why this would never happen in the US, read my comments in USA Today and see a bit of my thoughts on why regulation is important at Al-Jazeera English. This legislation in French has led to discussion, but no action in Quebec (for my thoughts in French, click here) and Ireland.

One place where pageants are held, but not without controversy is Bali (and other Muslim countries)-- the site of the Miss World competition this year. After death threats, etc., the exact location was moved and a winner was chosen, and this controversy kept pageants in the news LAST week. On why pageants are inherently political, see my thoughts in this TODAY Style piece on how pageants have in fact always been political, and will remain so particularly in other parts of the world.

Who knows what pageant controversy next week will bring! Any guesses?!