Called to Watch The Sisterhood

When I was in first grade I went home and told my mother that the principal of my school, Sr. Loretelle, was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I also said she smelled good (I actually remember this and I still would argue she smelled good! I looked her up online to confirm how to spell her name, and sadly discovered she passed away in 2006). One of the best teachers I ever had was in third grade, Sr. Berenice, also at St. Fabian in Farmington Hills, MI. This is to say I have always had a thing for nuns. So when Lifetime-- yes the same network that also brings you Dance Moms-- started advertising The Sisterhood: Becoming Nuns, I knew I was in.

This show drew me in like few others, and I think this is partly because the show seemed real (in most respects, not all of course) and opened a window into an area of life many don't know or understand. Having attended Catholic school for 12 years (as I write about here), I already knew about agape love, vows, sacraments, etc. But watching this show as a mother in my 30s I understood in a way I hadn't before that becoming a nun is like becoming a wife and mother. Just as you don't expect a wedding at 21 to work out terribly well, neither will joining a convent end well. Women need time to "date" the Church and a community, be engaged, and plan a wedding. These things rightly should take years and not six weeks.

So that's the first way in which the show isn't the most real. Discernment isn't six weeks long, that was for a reality show.

The other way in which I felt the show was contrived was with the appearance of Eseni Ellington. I joked on Twitter that OF COURSE I find a pageant connection, even here. While it was never mentioned on the show, she has competed in Miss New York USA several times. I wonder if joining a convent ever came up in her judges' interview?! I don't want to question anyone's true intentions, especially with a matter like this, but with her red acrylic nails (that miraculously-- pun intended-- stayed for SIX weeks), boyfriend drama (more on that in a second), and penchant for stirring the pot I think Eseni and/or the producers had their own agenda. Turns out that the boyfriend, Darnell Robinson has over 134,000 followers on Twitter, and has a reality TV history of his own, appearing on MTV's My Super Sweet 16 back in the day as he is the son of the president of Sugarhill Records. Reality TV worlds collide.

As for the other women, they clearly were on a very real journey. It's clear that some started out further along in the process, like Claire and Christie, and others have some journeying to do in other ways. I found it interesting that some of the women's families, like Stacey, have hopes that at least one of their children will lead a religious life. This seems like it might be a lot of pressure (in a way joining the family business of medicine or law isn't). In fact, Stacey posted on Twitter last night that she has decided God is calling her to be a wife and mother.

On that note, as someone who consumes a great deal of reality TV, I appreciated that the show was filmed so recently and brought to air. Filming in August and airing in November is great-- especially when you watch shows on Bravo like Real Housewives of New Jersey that air almost a year after filming. I also appreciated that all five women and many of the nuns are on Twitter and shared their thoughts (including break-out star Sr. Beth Anne).

I found Sr. Beth Anne's comment that women today have so many choices ever so true (and, pageants connection again, I say something similar). This shows that women who join really know they want to do it. They aren't running away from something (a la Sound of Music Maria). Religious women, like Sr. Beth Ann, were portrayed as multi-faceted in a way that reminded me a bit of the sisters portrayed in one of my favorite BBC shows, Call the Midwife.

If there is a season 2-- either with some of these women or with others-- I think the producers should give a bit more detail about the steps to becoming a nun. Like, beyond discernment there is postulancy, then novitiate, vows, perpetual vows (let's hope this mom who just lit Hanukkah candles got that right). The sociologist in me always finds hierarchy interesting and I'd like more beyond "it takes a long time." I would also love to see a religious order that doesn't wear the habit. As was alluded to the 60s saw turmoil in the sisterhood and I thought it was off that all three orders shown wear a habit when so many no longer do that. US nuns have always been a bit "out there" (check out an unrelated article from just this week in the Times about the Vatican's ongoing investigations into American convents).

On a final note, I'd love to get a sense of how much competition there is among religious orders in the US for new nuns. It was clear that Sr. Beth Ann's order is almost desperate for sisters, saying they have been praying for more. While they say that they sometimes refuse some women, I am guessing when a women is serious about becoming a nun she could have orders fighting over/for her?

Now I need to go learn how many religious orders for sisters there are in the US. Anyone know?! All fodder for Season 2, Lifetime! More of this, less Abby Lee, please.

Bravo Academia: What I Should Have Asked Andy Cohen

I am, what sociologists of culture call, a cultural omnivore. I consume high and low art whether it be books, TV, movies, music, etc. Sometimes my DVR looks like a teenage girl (Pretty Little Liars, Teen Mom) and other times a middle-aged woman (Real Housewives, The Sisterhood). I love reading serious non-fiction as much as I love a good mystery series. And, let's face it, I love analyzing pop culture phenomenons. So for so many different reasons, Andy Cohen and all associated with him is right up my alley. His talk show, Watch What Happens Live (WWHL), obviously has a series pass. So last week when I went to a book event for him (The Andy Cohen Diaries: A Deep Look at a Shallow Year) I wondered what I would say to him.

Here's what went down, "I am probably going to teach a class on reality TV at Brown University and I will likely assign parts of your books [including his Most Talkative: Stories from the Frontlines of Pop Culture here]."

Andy: Really?!

Me: I am way cooler than Camille Paglia.

Andy: But I love Camille Paglia! But you might be cooler.

Wait, did I say "way cooler?!" I'm pretty sure that automatically nullifies the statement.

You were supposed to stand across the table from Andy while getting your book signed and to get a photo, but I said to him, "I'm postpartum and need to hide my body." He kindly let me stand like this. Andy Cohen clearly understands the importance of a good angle.

The JCC photo backdrop is poifect here. Evelyn Cohen would approve, I think.

While I won't be doing the reality TV course next academic year (instead doing classes on beauty pageants and sports), I do think it will happen soon. So, who knows people, I might be a guest on WWHL yet. If Camille Paglia can do it...

In any case, the event itself was only meh. It was the fastest event to ever sell out at the Newton JCC. The 300+ audience was full of fans who wanted to see and hear Andy for a bit, and then be sure they got their Instagram images and book swag. Instead, we sat through an awkward interview for 40 minutes that Andy had to cut off himself. Given that most people in the audience had at least one advanced degree, I expected better questions than, "Will you ever do a Real Housewives of Boston?!" [If you really know your Bravo stuff you know they won't be adding any other cities, which is why we got shows like "Ladies of London"] I cringed when a girl asked how she could "be" Andy Cohen, given she is a Communications major at Boston University, same as Andy. Boston, we could have done better!

Here are some of the more serious questions I would have asked Andy, especially based on The Andy Cohen Diaries:

1) You are very good friends with Anderson Cooper (aka "Coops"). As someone who is outspoken (pun intended) about being out, how do you feel about the fact he waited so long to publicly come out? Did you have conversations about this with him?

2) What does it mean that you encourage people to watch TV, but have also written two books. Do you think the two are mutually exclusive (like doing one activity takes away from the other)? Which do you actually prioritize? [I was pleasantly surprised in the Diaries that he writes about what he reads and has a sophisticated reading shelf.]

3) Do you see the written word, like Twitter and Instagram posts, as substitutable for reading books? I noticed you walked out with two phones, but no book? Do you care if people read the print or electronic versions of your books?

4) You write about, and spoke about, your ex-boyfriend in a very laudatory way. Care to spill the tea on why the relationship didn't work out?

I loved the moments in the book when he did go deeper, like talking about the rise of "docu-series," etc. I know Andy is smart and quick and I challenge him to say more beyond just creating 15 minutes of fame for a bunch of women with (his words) too much filler.

Hopefully at some point we can continue the conversation. In the meantime, I need to catch up on Bravo's new scripted show, Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce.

World AIDS Day 2014: The Reality of The Normal Heart

For many people born around the same time as me (1980, for the record) their first exposure to someone with HIV/AIDS was Pedro Zamora on The Real World San Francisco. Or, in a fictional setting, it was Tom Hanks' character in Philadelphia. I actually knew two people who died of AIDS by the time I was 9. My mother judged dance competitions in the spring and summer and I often went with her. When I was 8 I first learned what it meant to be gay when my mom had to explain to me that she could never marry one of the other teachers/judges because he loved other men. It was no big deal to me-- I just wished some of those wonderful men could have helped raise me! But then some of them started getting sick, despite having access to the most popular chlamydia testing option available. I remember being scared (for them, and yes, for myself). This was especially true when one had Kaposi's sarcoma. At that time in my life nothing was scarier than seeing those purplish spots and knowing they were a death sentence.

On this World's AIDS Day so much has changed. People live with HIV (thank goodness), and more rarely die from AIDS. And yet things remain the same, as rates of infection have increased among gay men who no longer view AIDS as a threat. Truvada is progress, but not the whole answer.

Which is why HBO's The Normal Heart is so important, not to mention powerful. The Normal Heart shows what it was like to be living in NYC in the 80s and fear the unknown ("gay cancer," people dying essentially on planes). But it also shows that love and relationships always, always endure. As a mom it is even more difficult for me to watch programs like this, filled with so much loss, but it is also vital for me to bear witness in some small way so I can remember and teach my sons that silence is always wrong.

[On a shallow note, and especially if you love pop culture, you will appreciate the various actors in The Normal Heart. TIM RIGGINS, folks from Glee and Law & Order, just to name a few.]

As the world confronts the Ebola epidemic we should remember that fear is not the answer. Knowledge is. ACT UP, speak out against injustice, learn from the past.

This is what I will tell my boys on this World AIDS Day, and hopefully every day.

Protest Progress: Professional and Personal Development

August-- the heat, the uncertainty-- seem far away on this chilly November day. But I'm reminded of how I felt only a few months ago, particularly on the day I first found out what was happening at my high school in Michigan. And, now, today, when news of some resolution is shared. In August my family of four finally became a permanent family of four after my husband returned full-time after working out of town the whole time I was pregnant and nursing my second son, Quenton. As he returned I also ratcheted down breastfeeding as much. Suddenly, I had some more time, some more brainpower, but I was still slightly unmoored and exhausted by the events of the past year. What a year it was.

On Facebook-- where I found so much community, news, and adorable photos during my tough year-- I read a post a high school friend shared from a teacher I never had and still have never met in person. Her name is Barb Webb. She is a lesbian. She is married. She is pregnant. And she was fired for those reasons (ok, it's a little more complicated than that, but you get the gist).

My sense of civil rights, motherhood, injustice (and "a hot lunch for orphans!" [bonus points if you get the musical reference without clicking through... from a show I actually did at Marian, and in a world of small worlds, with the husband of one of the other organizers who I had never met before]) flared. I got involved. I wanted to speak out and make a difference in the way I knew best. So I wrote. I wrote this piece for The New Republic. I wrote this piece for Kveller.

What matters to me personally in that above paragraph is that I WROTE. I had actually not been writing much. I felt dried up (in more ways than one). I was worried I had lost my words, my voice. But this situation reminded me I hadn't. And that I was a mom to two and I could still write. And I had a voice that could hopefully effect change.

And now it seems we have. I say "we" because the Facebook group, I Stand with Barb Webb, numbers over 5000. I say "we" because nearly 75,000 from around the globe have signed our petition. I say "we' because we raised nearly $6000 to donate to our high school for professional development training about diversity and inclusion (announced today that the administration will accept the funds and get the program going). And, more personally, I say "we" because in many ways I feel more connected to my high school community than ever before. I feel connected to people I knew well, people I didn't know as well, and people I never met but who share the same alma mater because we all united to share our thoughts (not always agreeing) on a matter of personal and historical significance. These women, we women, we can be pretty amazing.

So, thanks again to Barb Webb for helping us all change in important ways-- including yours truly. Now, I hope Marian can continue to Be the Change, along with others in the world, in supporting love, equality, and acceptance for all.

The Dissimilarities Between Honey Boo Boo and Malala Yousafzai

Almost exactly two years ago I wrote a piece for The Huffington Post about the ways in which Alana Thompson (aka "Honey Boo Boo") and Malala Yousafzai are similar. My, how times have changed. Malala is now a Nobel Peace Prize winner and Alana Thompson's show has been axed and her safety is in question as her mother dates a child molester, who shockingly was convicted of molesting one of Alana's older sisters while another older sister was in the room.

In some ways, what I wrote in October 2012 still applies. For instance, "Alana's life, like Malala's, is no longer private. While Alana's fans don't hate her the way the Taliban hate Malala, Honey Boo Boo's safety is in question." Although I meant safety in a bigger sense since it always seemed like Alana was safe at home: "Clearly there are serious safety concerns about placing real children -- who are not characters, like child performers -- in the public eye. If we are complicit in these children's fame, and their compromised safety, by watching and reaching about their lives, we must be willing to change the underlying social problems that they represent."

Perhaps even more relevant and significant today is this line I wrote, "Honey Boo Boo reveals deep social inequality in American society that, while not as life-threatening as that in Pakistan, is quite serious." Unfortunately crime is one dimension of inequality today. Of course there were plenty of warning signs that something was amiss. First, June always refused to legally wed Honey Boo Boo's father, Sugar Bear. They had a commitment ceremony with camo dresses, but never sealed the deal. Now we know why-- Shannon was waiting for convicted felon McDaniel. That June, in her early thirties and already a grandmother, had four daughters from four different men might also raise some warning flags. But most significantly it was know that the eldest, Anna, who was pregnant during the first season, had basically been raised by her grandmother. Well, now we know the real reason why.

That said, while I was often disgusted by the family (I wrote in another Huffington Post piece that, "However, the failure of Eden's World to garner a large number of viewers, especially when compared to Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, indicates that it may indeed be much better to be your real self -- fat, flatulence, filth and all -- than to pretend to be something you aren't."), my impression was always that the family genuinely loved one another. That has now disintegrated.

I also have always given Shannon credit for protecting the children's money-- including her granddaughter-- especially because other reality show parents have made very different choices. While it's great that the five girls will get funds when they turn 21, the current situation makes me think she knew this could come out and at least she would have done something concrete to help the future of her offpsring. It was almost like they were milking it for all it was worth, not unlike families like the Robertsons or the Karsashians, but they also knew what could happen a la the Gosselins but much worse with the law involved.

There's no question the show is kaput and I'll be curious if TLC ever addresses the entrance of an America's Most Wanted Element to the reality soup of the family. The family will now take on a new kind of infamy. I just hope they can heal their private dynamics and stay safe.

I'm guessing we haven't heard the last word from Honey Boo Boo or Malala. Let's hope the latter can bring some peace to the life of the former...