Be a Journalist #LikeaGirl

I know I'm in the minority here, but I didn't really like the Always #LikeaGirl ad that aired during the Superbowl this week.

Now I write this as a person who believes wholeheartedly that men and women/girls and boys can almost always do the same things. I attended an all-girls school for eight years, and while I am not an athlete, girls were clearly "the jocks" at my schools. I've obviously written a lot about gender, competition, and athletics. I know how important this issue is. But it just didn't do it for me in three ways.

1) It didn't hit me emotionally at all. This may be because I know too much about the issue and so this was NOTHING new to me, but it didn't tug at my heartstrings. In my defense, my heartstrings are normally tugged when it comes to this (for instance, today while looking at a school for my older son I saw a gaggle of girls in school uniforms and I got misty). But seeing young girls say this was more cute than revelatory.

2) The point is that once puberty hits girls' self-esteem changes. If a bunch of 15-17-year-old girls had uttered the same sentences, and meant it, I would have had a different reaction for sure. So why show young girls without offering a concrete solution of how to keep the positive attitude through puberty and beyond?

3) Which brings me to my final point: What does Always have to do with this other than being a sure sign a girl has hit puberty? Are they doing something to keep girls in sports like designing better maxipads to improve self-esteem? Are they starting a foundation, an education center? I just find it all a bit confusing especially given the context.

I know I'm in the minority, so someone please help me understand!

Instead of just complaining, I'll offer you an alternative that I witnessed while watching the Superbowl that if I ever have a daughter I would hold up as an example. At the end of the game NBC sideline reporter Michele Tafoya was determined to get an interview with unexpected Patriots star Malcolm Butler.

The woman was DOGGED. She would not give up; she stood behind him as the clock ticked down and followed him onto the field, grabbing him and getting the quote that was reported all over that he had a vision he would make a big play during the Superbowl. While female football sideline reporters aren't rare anymore, sports journalism is still obviously a bit of a boys' club. But there was no chance that this woman was going to let that quote slip away.

She ran like a girl after him, just as I would want a daughter of mine to do someday-- to be persistent and determined no matter what the endeavor or profession.

The Pageant Formula of Miss Universe 2015

If you follow my writings on Miss Universe, you know that my absolute favorite part is the parade of national costumes. Trump and his minions got with the program this year and showed us the contestants modeling them-- not just a picture of them flaunting their version of sexy national dress like last year. Even before the live show the costumes were getting the most press of the event, especially Miss Canada.

Clearly, it was NOT Miss Jamaica who was robbed at this pageant, it was Miss Canada who failed to win the costume award! That distinction went to Miss Indonesia, who explained (OBVIOUSLY) that the weight of her costume put her over the airline's weight limit for luggage, but since she won it was all worth it. Which raises the question(s): In what way was it worth it?! Is there a significant cash prize for winning? Even if there was presumably that would go to the cost of the thing itself, which obviously wasn't cheap. How much do they cost on average? Do designers in countries vie to be able to make these things? How many people does it take to get the contestants into one of these? Can anyone provide some answer, please! In the end it seems like if nothing else this is the adult incarnation of sports wear in child beauty pageants. If you don't know what I mean, watch an episode or two of Toddlers & Tiaras...

I know some people didn't like the 3-hour show, but I did. We got a chance to "get to know" the contestants a bit more. Imagine if talent had been included in those three hours. Friends, it could have been epic. Otherwise, we got what we expected from a beauty pageant. As Trump said last week, "It's the age-old thing; it's never going to die — magnificently beautiful women...Whether it's politically correct or not, who cares, it's a formula that will never die."

And sure enough we began the pageant with horrible 1980s-style sequined cocktail dresses, awkward shimmies, contestants who look way older than their years. Then of course swimsuit (for the record, I couldn't get over how swayback Miss Colombia, the eventual winner, was here).

One of the odd things about Miss Universe is that in may ways it is tradition-less, beyond the basic pageant features. In this century it is never held in a reliable location, or even time of year (notice that no Miss Universe pageant was even held in the calendar year 2014!). The crown even usually looks different (this year they introduced one that suggests the NYC skyline, the home city for the pageant organization, which raises the question why they never hold it there). I wonder if this is just something that we notice in the US though, since Miss America, by contrast, is so steeped in tradition. It is worthwhile to note that this year Miss Finland, Bea Toivonen, is the daughter of Miss Finland 1985, Marja Kinnunen. When her mother competed 30 years prior that Miss Universe pageant was also held in Miami. Miami has hosted it for years, and Trump owns property there, so I could see this becoming a host site-- especially because it is an international city with ease of travel.

Spanish-speaking countries do historically do well at Miss Universe and this year was no exception. Many were surprised by the winner, but they shouldn't have been because this pageant is notorious for making deals before the actual event (see comments from contestant Miss France here). The Jamaica was robbed meme and the world peace answer USA provided (though I tend to agree with Australia that why Miss USA Nia Sanchez should be asked this is odd, however her smile at end was BEYOND Pageant Patty) got the most press post-pageant. But what has been most interesting to me is the strong political angle still present. The Israel/Lebanon selfie got continued coverage, and I found Miss Ukraine's final answer politically impassioned and representative of her country. For anyone who doubts that pageants remain relevant culturally, there you go.

Despite the boo-ing and almost anti-climactic ending, the ratings were high. And in case anyone still wonders why the pageant formula will never die, I present this final piece of evidence.

Yes, this is a week late, written on Superbowl Sunday-- the hypermasculine analog to the hyperfeminine? Our family has been wiped out by not one, but two, different viruses so I am finally catching up!

The Similar Worlds of Mutton Busting and AAU Basketball

In addition to reading a lot of books, I read a lot of magazines. Sometimes it takes me awhile to get through the stack on my nightstand, but I always do. I recently read two articles in my "regulars" (New Yorker and Sports Illustrated) that spoke to one another in important ways-- even if no one else sees it but me! The first is "The Ride of Their Lives: Children prepare for the world's most dangerous organized sport" by Burkhard Bilger in last month's New Yorker and the second is "Out of Power" by Pete Thamel in the August 25th issue of SI about Curtis Malone, a convicted drug dealer who ran one of the most influential AAU basketball programs in the country. I've written a bit about mutton busting before, and the circuit has only intensified since I last wrote (kids with stage names, customized clothes, bling, etc.). Here are the ways in which these article reveal these two very different youth sports are similar to one another, and the constellation of other competitive youth activities. These are both worlds where kids get nicknames (see also the recent NYT piece on girls in a boys' basketball league, which is full of stereotypes), can earn gear and swag, and potential earn money (a lot of it in fact).

The line that resonated most with my Playing to Win research, and my beauty pageant research, from the Bilger article is, "Around here, the notion of childhood as a safe, protected place—a benign bubble—seemed like poor training for life." Bilger is a gorgeous writer-- his prose is evocative, the details truly evocative and illustrative. But this sentence captures the hardscrabble hopes so many parents have for their children, and the ways in which activities outside of school can lead to other opportunities. IN both Oklahoma and Texas and DC, basketball and rodeo offer real benefits, despite the risks (whether they be injuries or drugs).

In both activities the authors discuss the intensification over the past decades-- more people, more money, more business opportunities. As the stakes get higher in childhood in general, we see what I refer to as cottage industries spring up that enable adults, who may be helping children at first (and some continue to, but not all), make more and more money. As Thamel writes, "Malone quickly grasped that in the essentially unregulated youth basketball world, the key is to acquire talent." Thamel finds that the same skills that make someone successful as a drug dealer work when it comes to youth basketball: charisma, street savvy, discretion, and organization. I can assure you that this is also true when it comes to kids' chess, dance, soccer, beauty pageants, afterschool math classes, etc. So long as the realms remain unregulated, this will remain true.

One of my favorite lines from the Bilger piece was a line uttered by a parent about his son trying to stay on a calf for 8 seconds. His son fell off but the dad remarked, "He hit the ground trying." This is both a great lesson kids can gain from participating in activities like these, but it also suggests the potential pitfalls for so many adults, including parents, involved. If the focus stays more on the kids' learning, and less on profit, hopefully this can be true for all kids...

My Purple Train Boy Turns 3

Back in November I (along with Carston!) made my writing debut in The Washington Post. I was thrilled to have a piece in the On Parenting section. I originally titled the piece "My Purple Train Boy," but it was retitled to, "My boy likes soccer and dance, trains and the color purple."

The lines I wrote that got the most attention on social media are, "And, just like parents of girls are encouraged to buy their daughters copies of Rosie Revere, Engineer, so should parents of boys. I bought that book for my guy because I think it is just as important for him to know girls can be engineers as it is to tell girls that they can be."

This ties into the biggest question all this raises for me, and for others, which I have discussed in the media before-- that when a girl plays with trucks (or something similar), we applaud, but when a boy plays with a stroller people may look askance and parents offer explanations. I don't think gender hybridity will always favor girls, but it certainly does right now.

Carston recently turned three, and as I wrote, I gave him both Iggy Peck, Architect and a personalized Thomas train-- a purple one with his name on the bottom.

I put glasses on the train even though Carston doesn't wear them [if he's like his mom, YET] and he is annoyed because he says *he* doesn't wear glasses.

He is nothing if not precise, but rest assured that "Carston" purple train is now one of the favorites who pulls other enjoys along on the train tracks...

And, for the record, we both prefer Rosie Revere, even though Iggy Peck is also fun!

I'm curious how long the purple, and the train, phases(s) last-- I can't wait to find out.

Ballroom Blitz: Toddlers & Tiaras for Grown-Ups

When Bravo announced it would be airing Game of Crowns many eagerly awaited the grown-up version of Toddlers & Tiaras. But, as I wrote, that series turned out to be more like a pageant version of Real Housewives of RI/CT. Instead, it is another TLC mini-series, Ballroom Blitz, that comes closest to the formula, subculture, glitz, and sometimes sheer oddity of Toddlers & Tiaras. Both shows feature three competitors each week. They practice, prep their bodies, compete, and often cry to the camera (when they lose and when they win). Women get spray tanned and pay people to do their hair and make-up in elaborate ways. Thousands are spent on dresses covered in stones. In the end much of the final results seem linked to who has the most money to buy the best connections, from teachers to costume designers. Finally, if there is one thing to learn from both shows it is, "Do NOT be late for competition!"

Perhaps because of the now-formulaic storylines all the episodes of Ballroom Blitz were shown on a single day on TLC and it doesn't appear likely more will be made. Simon Fuller, of American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance fame, was part of this and I think there's one way in which they got this wrong. I was most interested in the young dancers currently dancing pro-am, but who want to go pro. How do you become a pro? Is there a certification? Do you have to win gold level competitions?

Instead we got a lot of older women, divorcees, gay men--all rich of course-- who love dance. Stories like Jacob who does this for health are important, and yet I was more interested in his changing hair color. We also got stereotypes coming to life (the woman who leaves loveless marriage to rich husband to marry dance partner) and lots of dance floor "comebacks." If the characters were more fleshed our and likeable it could have worked, as it was it was too much earnest botoxeria and tanorexia to be compelling.

Ballroom dance is a fascinating, lucrative, subculture that has been popularized thanks to network shows on ABC and Fox. But a documentary series that explores how this happens with an appealing cast could have mass appeal. I loved learning things like it is actually easier for a woman amateur because she doesn't have to lead like a male amateur. Isn't this one of the few areas in which an aesthetic physical activity might be easier for the female? I'd love to learn more about these sorts of things and less about hair glue, cost of lessons, and divorces.

More Blitz, less formula next time, please! But keep these dance shows coming.