Game of Clowns-- Oh, I mean CRowns

I have now officially caught up on my TV watching; I was sick for a day this week and ended up binge watching Bravo's Mrs. Pageant series Game of Crowns. But, really, a more accurate title would have been Game of CLOWNS. It's like they took the worst elements of so many reality shows (Toddlers & Tiaras, Jersey Shore, Real Housewives, etc.), mixed it up with a bunch of "fame whores" (as one of the contestants calls another on the show), and put it on Bravo.

Unlike Toddlers & Tiaras, Dance Moms, or Kim of Queens, each episode is not devoted to a competition. In fact only a few pageants are shown as the drama is really between the women in other aspects of their lives (clothing, husbands, legal action, etc.). In this respect this is like a knock-off Real Housewives show-- I suppose it would be The Real Housewives of New England given everyone is from CT and RI (and since our family is moving to Rhode Island sometime in 2015 I guess I learned a bit about towns like Cranston and Johnston).

Yes, I just snuck some big news in there. Starting in January 2015 I will be part of the Department of America Studies at Brown University and my husband will be in the Economics Department at Brown!

Like so many reality shows there is much we don't know. For instance, why did we never see the husband of the too-classy/beautiful-for-this-show Shelly Carbone? What's the back story on these women's previous pageant experiences, before they were married? Are their current husbands the fathers of their children? How do Mrs. Pageants work in terms of categories about age, children, talent, etc.?

It should be obvious, but just in case it's not, Mrs. America has absolutely nothing to do with Miss America and Mrs. United States has absolutely nothing to do with Miss USA. In fact, in case you missed it, these women all compete in the same NE pageant systems run by the same family-- a married husband and wife and their daughter who emcees and sings looking to get her 15 minutes. Unclear if this is because there aren't other options or these are the only people who would agree to be on camera.

Needless to say, talent isn't included at these events and I had to laugh when everyone said how important INTERVIEW is and then it was revealed these interviews last THREE MINUTES. At Miss America pageants interview is 10 minutes and it's not even close to enough time. But three minutes? Very funny.

The women all tan, use Botox, fake hair, nails, etc. Some even have blue hair. Yet they all look different given that some are moms and some aren't. Lori-Ann Marchese was the only one without kids, and she comes from the world of "fitness competitions." I really saw a strong resemblance between her and the reigning Miss America, Kira Kazantsev.

The season is filled with typical female reality show fights about jump suits, bets, breast cancer walks vs. vow renewals, and rogue stylists. And then things take a darker turn when death threats are made followed by alleged private investigators, and then a restraining order. Things actually got physical a year after filming ended at the premiere party at Foxwoods (one of the women, half Native American, is married to a part owner of the resort-- and given the history of Foxwoods and the Mashantucket there is some backstory there I am sure [I read Without Reservation many years ago, which I found interesting]).

I can't imagine a second season, but I expect to see more from a few of them, like Shelly Carbone who is Bravo material, and Susanna Paliotta who has now been on TLC (through Toddlers & Tiaras, and who I wrote about at The Huffington Post when she called herself "Susanna Barrett" and linked up with the Eden Wood fame train) and Bravo, so I'm guessing Lifetime is next. I expect more clowning around, with crowns.

Catching Up on TV, Part 2: The Summer of Dance

Last week I looked at stage moms on TV this summer, this week it's specifically the DANCE stage moms, some of the worst offenders on TV no doubt. It was interesting to look back over the past two summers and see what's changed and what is the same in the world of dance on TV. Sadly Bunheads and Breaking Pointe are gone and Dance Kids ATL didn't return. With SIX dance shows airing during the Summer of 2014 though, dance seems more popular than ever, especially over the summer.

1) The mainstay is of course So You Think You Can Dance, aka SYTYCD, or simply "So You Think." Back on June 29th I tweeted that Ricky Ubeda would win Season 11 and I was right. I mean...

Despite the foregone conclusion I enjoyed this season. I like the two hours per week because it makes it all seem like less of a commitment. I also enjoyed all the guest judges this season (especially Misty Copeland, and even Tara Lipinski who for the rest of my life I will never forgive for Nagano and Michelle Kwan!). Am curious for how many more seasons they can last though. If you notice almost all the top contenders are 18 or 19-years-old. They seem to have exhausted the crop of "older" dancers. It's really freaky to hear that people like Ricky have been dreaming of competing on the show since they were EIGHT. Time sure flies when you are older.

I found it interesting that the show has come so full circle that one of Ricky's teachers, Victor, was on SYTYCD as a contestant. I loved his line that Ricky was sent to them from the dance gods. Of course, Victor's studio was the subject of the unsuccessful Dance Moms Miami spin-off. Further proof how incestuous these worlds are...

2) Dance Moms- Oh, wait, I have more proof! Lucas Triana who was on Dance Moms Miami is part of the Candy Apples Team, where his mom still causes trouble. I find the show, which finishes up tonight, so disturbing at this point I'm not sure what else I can say. I will add that the new DwTS link (Abby appearing in the spring and Maddie last month with Allison Holker from STYYCD) is even more proof of the small world of dance on TV. Allison put Maddie to shame during Chandelier, but I was disturbed by Allison's weight.

3) Abby's Studio Rescue- On that note, I simply can't BELIEVE Abby got not one, but TWO spin-offs. Is she really that popular? Like Dance Moms this is highly scripted. Only a few episodes aired over the summer, then the show appeared to be canceled, now a few more aired. The best thing I can say is that the show portrays her in a slightly more positive light. Abby does know to teach her students terminology and I like that she gives them exams. It also exposes the wide range of studios in the US, that ANYONE (dance mom, "teacher," former dancer) can open one, and should make the case for more regulation. Needless to say, product placement awkward.

4) Raising Asia- If you can believe it, yet another spin-off of a spin-off from Dance Moms. Asia Monet Ray was on the first season of Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition. She then appeared on Dance Moms, then she got her own show on Lifetime. I found this to be the most interesting dance show because it captures and lays bare so many of the issues with these shows. It shows the sacrifice, the homeschooling, the deprivation the children cry about (friends, family time, even food). Kristie, the mom, seems to think she can tell the cameras when to stop rolling and that she can try to walk off set EVERY episode. It's just not true, as her husband tries to explain to her. The producers must have LOVED it every time she did it. Kristie gets mad at her daughters (the dynamic with the youngest is so, so sad), the producers, her husband, her sister, her mom-- she would get mad at her friends to I am sure if she had any time to see them. And that raises the question: What is the end game here? Raising Asia shows that dancing might help get you attention, but it likely won't make you FAMOUS. You will always be in the back. If you only want to do dance then you must choreograph (like Anthony Burrell who has now done Dance Moms, Abby's Ultimate, AND Raising Asia) or join a professional company or show. Asia's parents want her to be a pop star, a mini-Beyonce, so singing must come. But Beyonce likely wouldn't have done a reality show. The money and exposure aren't worth it if you are a hack later because of it. Nick or Disney could come, but who knows. This raises the question of the end goal for someone like Maddie on Dance Moms who doesn't go to school and gets dance jobs, but not a PROJECT. She'll never join Cedar Lake-- what is her end game? So much time and money invested and education missed in ways you can't even say for many sports, which can lead to college opportunities. I guess it is all the fame game? In any case, Asia and her parents come off as brats. Someone please rescue Bella Blu.

5) Bring It!- I've written before about how much I like the message of this show. But, oh, the "technique" or lack thereof. Dianna is now calling this "majorette dance," and says it is growing. It is, but it shouldn't at the expense of kids' bodies. Whenever I see the bare feet on gym or concrete floors, I cringe! One of the coaches from another team even admitted he has absolutely no dance background. Ugh! And, yet, I like this show. It's a different demographic, it's warm (I loved when Dianna let Sunjai go to her prom and didn't give her an awful time about it). They are "sexing" it up a bit with the Baby Dancing Dolls and Momma Dancing Dolls routines for TV, but that's ok. Even with poor technique I'd rather a tough and loving teacher for my kids than a tyrant Abby.

6) Hit the Floor- The only officially scripted show of the bunch. It's a total soap, there is lots of sex, but there is also lots of good dancing. Of course the stars aren't the best dancers on the team (though Ahsha is ok, her acting isn't great so I can't quite figure out how such a wooden actress got the lead, whereas Jelena's face and body explain it all), and in more incestuousness, Allison Holker also appears here (along with Courtney Galliano, another SYTYCD alum).

Overall Asia, Allison, and Anthony tie for three dance shows apiece-- but I give the win to Holker for doing a scripted show as well.

I wonder what dance shows will return next summer, and what new ones will come along in the meantime!

Catching Up on TV, Part 1: The Summer of the Stage Parents

Yes, it's October, I know. But between reading, writing, and childcare I'm still working my way through my DVR from August (DVR may be this mom's favorite technological innovation, behind the iPad which helps me AND Carston). In previous summers I have done a wrap-up of stage moms and dance shows, but this year there were so many shows (either a good thing, or a scary thing, I can't decide), I'm breaking up the post into two parts. So, look for my thoughts on dance next week.

In the meantime, I'm talking about three shows I've previously written about:

1) Bet on Your Baby- I was actually surprised when ABC brought this show back for a second season. Not only did I find it pretty abhorrent, but I didn't think it got great ratings. Then again no Saturday night show is expected to draw a lot of eyes and this was probably pretty cheap for them to produce (you can tell from the hostess' wardrobe that they tape many in a single day). Actually this season had even more sponsors ("Walmart With Every Little Step Babydome" and "Luvs Baby Bio"), but there was also more diversity in the contestants this season. For instance, there was a grandma and a mom and not just male/female couples. It also seemed like there was fewer psychology games/experiments and more "fun" games. Still, when a parent bet AGAINST their child it was pretty painful, especially when the child pulled through. In one case it ended ok because the family won fun college tuition at the end, but I still worry the little girl will think her dad doesn't believe in her. One of the lines on the show seems especially true: "Where the stakes are huge and the competitors are miniature." I still find the show in bad taste, though less so than before, and hope it isn't back for season 3.

2) (Jon and) Kate Plus 8- This show came back for many more than three seasons and over the summer a one-off special ran updating people on the family's progress. What was most talked about though occurred on the media tour for the special when Kate had a very awkward live appearance with her eldest twins on The Today Show. In this case the show may have helped protect the kids somewhat by having other adults around, and at least they are getting some more income. But the Kate popularity train has basically left the station completely and it's all train wreck from here on out. Some day, one of them will write some tell-all. Nonetheless, I expect some sort of holiday special...

3) Kim of Queens- This show is still on, airing episodes from its second season, so I'm not completely tardy. And I actually like the show even more this season. The main reason why is that Kim Gravel remains the anti-Abby Lee Miller. In fact, she's so anti-Abby she asks one of her paying clients to leave because she can't deal with her mom, Angie. Angie and Marah still have appearances on the show (likely contractual), but even after Kim's sister tries coaching Marah it's clear Angie's style just doesn't gel with The Pageant Place. Good for them for standing their ground, and still being compassionate to Marah, while not worrying about the dollar and drama. I also love that Kim is aware it's not about winning any one specific pageant, but about the process to eventually win a big pageant, like Miss Georgia or Miss America. I especially loved when one mom realized she likes her tomboy daughter better, and Kim agrees that for two girls pageants aren't helping them. She knows they aren't a panacea, however you look, and she comes across as caring-- and funny. Someday I want to watch Miss America or Miss USA with HER!

Not all extreme parents shown on TV are stage parents, but believe me, quite a few are... Stay tuned for dance moms and dads next week for proof.

A Bookworm's Dream Position: New Book Review Editor at Brain, Child Magazine!

When my name first appeared in Brain, Child Magazine in the Summer of 2013, I felt I had finally arrived as a writer. With the tagline "A Magazine for Thinking Mothers," I had long admired the publication, and dreamt of the day when hopefully something I wrote would appear on its glossy pages. I've been lucky enough to write other pieces for them and to get to know the amazing Editor-in-Chief, Marcelle (in real life) and many other team members virtually. So, to know that in the next issue my name will appear on the masthead is mind-boggling! That's because I am the new Book Review Editor for Brain, Child. I'll be writing book reviews and editing them monthly for the blog Brain, Mother. I will also be writing a book reflections column each month,  doing six different "Top Ten" book lists, and writing and editing book review essays for the Magazine's five print issues. As I wrote when I posted the news on Facebook the day the press release went out, "To say this is a dream job for me is a massive understatement. So excited to combine three of my favorite things in the world: parenting, reading, and writing (listed in alphabetical order to conceal my true preferences...)."

As I wrote in my bio, "Hilary is a true bookworm, who happened to be raised by a Miss America. This means that when she wore glasses in grade school she had fancy pairs (fuchsia polka dot, Scottish plaid, purple flowered), and that she still loves to read and write about glitz and glamour as much as she loves to read serious works of fiction and non-fiction." Here's some photographic proof for you:

The fuchsia polka dot frames perhaps look more glamorous standing next to mom (see, we really look nothing alike!), Miss America 1970. Oh, and yes, that was an old school Pleasant & Company (now known as American Girl!) over-sized Samantha hair bow.

Lest the Scottish plaid glasses, or my general fifth grade geekiness, feel neglected. Also, thank goodness for orthodontia!

As I write in my first talking about books column this month, Raising Readers, I have always read books like it was my job. It is rare to find me without a book (now digitally more often than not, but still).

(A pre-glasses pic, and what I now look like since having LASIK while in grad school- one of the best decisions I ever made, despite the lost opportunity to rock crazy specs).

I hope to instill that same love in my sons, especially by implementing some of the suggestions written about in my column from  I'm Ready! How to Prepare Your Child for Reading Success by Janice Greenberg and Elaine Weitzman.

I also hope that they will appreciate all different types of reading materials, including poetry. Here is the first review I edited, written by Beth Eakman on Carrie Fountain's new poetry collection (about motherhood), Instant Winner.

Hope you enjoy and join me on the journey to look for meaning in books, together.

The Extreme Guide to (Sometimes Sad) Parenting

It's no secret that I love a good Bravo show. So when the previews started-- and I even got a press release about Extreme Guide to Parenting-- I knew it was must see TV for me on multiple levels.

The six episodes recently finished and it's clear to me why the docu-series featuring nine families (three were so "out there" they got a full hour, and the rest were combined with two into a one-hour show) got so much press ahead of time, but not as much when the episodes aired.

It's because, somewhat shockingly, they weren't quite as out there as you might think. Sure, I didn't agree with everything said or proselytized-- and some of the families clearly need some professional help-- but three things saved the show from being a Toddlers & Tiaras, or even a Showbiz/Sports Kids Moms & Dads (earlier Bravo series that were clearly forerunners of this one).

1) Parents weren't simply presented as caricatures. The primary parent spoke about their own childhoods, often quite movingly, and it was clear how their own experiences often directly informed the decisions they make now. In short, CONTEXT was provided.

2) In almost every family one of the parents (or another close family member) tried to provide an alternative perspective. In fact, in all but one of the families a serious concession was shown being made . The one exception was in the attachment parenting family, where the family would have exposed their toddler to chicken pox instead of vaccinate, but the mom became pregnant instead (full disclosure I found this family the least likeable partly for this reason). Showing people's willingness not just to listen to other ideas, but also engage with them, was interesting-- if not a ratings coup.

3) What I also found interesting was that while these nine families tend to be extreme in their beliefs, they likely resonated with others on some level because there is a grain of truth in each of their perspectives. Is it sometimes necessary to "push" kids? Sure, we live in a culture where a story like this gets written about education, or this about men who can't give up their childhood sports dreams (full disclosure, I'm quoted here). Would it be great to show kids we shouldn't have too much stuff? Of course. Would it be great to spend even more time with your kids? Definitely. Do we want our kids to be tough but also passionate and well-rounded? Sounds great. Do we want our kids to be mentally healthy without the use of drugs, if possible? Obviously. And should we teach kids to be positive about their bodies and not ashamed? For sure [Though I will confess that nothing in the show shocked me because I have basically seen or head it all before as either a parent or researcher-- with one exception. I have NEVER seen someone collect menstrual blood, call it uterine lining, and use it to water plants. Gross!]

We all make decisions about how to balance all these forces, and more, in our lives as parents. Parenting, and life, is tough. My heart actually broke for the "indigo" child mom who is clearly trying so hard to do her best by her son (and because I had just read and reviewed The Price of Silence by Liza Long about childhood mental illness I wanted to send her a copy!). Instead of snapshots the episodes showed things over time (although the time frame wasn't always super clear) and while the editing was sometimes pointed, it still allowed people to speak for themselves a bit more. These families might not change your mind, but they will make you think and that's about all we can ask for these days in such a media saturated world.

I'll be interested to see if a second season is ordered, and if the formula changes at all. In the meantime, back to my Real Housewives viewing...